While the Americans that make up the majority of my readership (with apologies to jackslack, ladyjestyr and eyebeams) are busy enjoying Dead American Soldier day, I’m labouring away in the office in a desperate attempt to get ahead. Next week, you see, we have two days' holiday to celebrate the Queen’s Golden Jubilee. Now, that would be a cause for rejoicing in most quarters, but for us poor devils on weekly magazines it means doing five days' work in three. Pah. Humbug.

I’ve done quite a bit to get ahead, so I’ve been passing that mid-afternoon lull coming up with stupid ideas for the real names of major holidays with ladyjestyr:

Small Furry Subterranean Mammal Superstition Commemoration Day

Day Co-opted From Ancient Religious and Spiritual Traditions and Now Hijacked To Represent The Alleged Birth of a Judeo-Christian Iconic Personality

Day That Those Ungrateful Colonials Celebrate Their Treachery In Kicking Their Rightful Lords and Masters Out of The UK’s American Colonies

Day That Those Ungrateful Colonials Celebrate Their Treachery In Kicking Their Rightful Lords and Masters Out of The UK’s Australian Colonies, Except The Governmental Apparatus, Because Quite Frankly If You Let Australians Elect Their Head Of State You’d Get A Bloody Rugby League Player for President.