My in-laws run Christmas rather differently to the Tinworth clan. At home, all the present opening is done by about 12pm at the latest – and that's a laggardly Christmas.

Here in Bristol? It's nearly 3pm and we've opened precisely one present so far. From my mother-in-law, I have received Poems from Guantanamo: The Detainees Speak. Yup, a book of poems from inmates at Guantanamo Bay. Not quite sure what to make of that…

Anyway, I must go make roast potatoes now.